https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201609/8-ways-overcome-blow-your-ego
Assuming that we humans have control over our interpretation of defeat, let’s look at these 8 strategies for overcoming a blow to the ego:
- Build your resistance. A mouse can’t change its interpretation of experiences, but you can. Don’t shy away from those who’ve defeated you—allow yourself to get back out into the field and continue to interact in your own environment.
- Admit that it hurts. You don’t have to pretend that you don’t mind losing (unless you truly don’t). Perhaps one of the most truthful statements a politician can make is to admit that winning is better than losing.
- Learn from the experience so that you can lower your chances of defeat in the future. What was it that led to your loss? Was it a simple lack of strength or was there something you could’ve done differently? If you take this pragmatic, problem-oriented approach, you may come out better prepared the next time.
- Understand, and then manage, your emotions. It’s interesting that mice didn’t show the effects of social defeat until they reached adulthood. It’s possible that by letting things fester, we humans may be more easily brought down by defeat.
- Recognize that not everyone can always be the winner. When we hear about “unsportsmanlike conduct,” this means that a player didn’t adopt the mindset that in sports, someone always has to lose.
- Don’t torment yourself with “what if’s.” Presidential candidates, as seen in the CNN special, may spend anywhere from days to decades mulling over how the outcome might have been different if they hadn’t made a debate gaffe. Regret is great if it helps you become a better person, but regret that can’t undo what’s been done has no point.
- Congratulate the winner. It’s not only gracious, but self-preserving to put the defeat behind you by letting the other person know that he or she won fair and square. Like a defeated politician, you may end up getting an invitation to be on that person’s team.
- Find other ways to feel good about yourself. Those defeated little lab mice could only see themselves as losers because, in that context, there wasn’t much else they could do. You, however, can move on and find ways to console yourself by focusing on activities at which you feel successful.
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